The phrase "How are you?" should change the world

   You know how we do that thing?  That thing where we pretend to be really excited about running into people with whom we are only remotely acquainted?

   I'm actually bummed less by the insincerity of our social antics and more by the fact that we don't genuinely care.  "How are you?" isn't a literal question.  Nobody actually wants to stop what they're doing or where they're going and hear about somebody's life.  Asking "How are you?" is simply a polite acknowledgement that a person exists.

   There are times where we need to get somewhere and we really don't have the time to hear about someone's day.  In that case, a "Hi!" will do just fine, but when we ask, "How are you?" we should mean it.  We should be willing to set aside whatever we're doing and intently listen to a person's story, absorbing details and banking them away to ask them about it later.
   Being attentive to others is a discipline, it doesn't come easily for most of us.  However, I believe that good listeners can radically influence other people for good, because being heard is one of the most healing, empowering gifts we can ever receive.  "How are you?" is meant to be a doorway into relational depth, not a curtly tossed phrase that is usually returned with "Fine."

Feelings: real or not real?

Feelings happen.  They can hit us in an instant or they can slowly escalate, a reaction broadcasting emotions to the forefront of our being.  We are shocked, hurt, elated, amused and often a mix of several things at once.  Yet how often are feelings real?  Do our feelings always reflect what we think about the world, or the kinds of people we want to be?  Could they simply be an indication of not enough sleep?  Something we ate?

A study done earlier this year by Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital concludes that emotions are "ontologically subjective."  This means that while they are tangible forces, they aren't real in the sense that they won't always generate the same effect every time a specific cause is applied.  According to this research, even the best emotion-detecting equipment can't distinguish between fear, anger, and surprise.  These feelings are highly contingent on hormonal balance and specific circumstances and behavioral patterns of an individual.  So, no.  Feelings are not real.  They are subjective and only relevant within the contexts of our own being.

Here is my point:  we should be honest with others about how we feel, but when our feelings are not helpful we need to recognize that they are not actually real.  Over time, feelings can form into ideas, grudges, love, etc. and those things are very real and influential, but our instant emotional reactions must be thought through before we blurt them out and damage our relationships.  So am I being honest when I irritably tell my husband that I'm annoyed with the way he folds the laundry?  I would say no!  I am honestly in love with him, and honestly, I want to be the kind of wife that doesn't heap judgements on my husband!  That is the truth!  How could I believe that my petty irritation is more real that my deep love for him?  How could it be more important to express our irrational feelings towards someone than the love and care we have for them?

While the idea of being 100% honest about every thought that goes through our head might be popular, it is actually quite selfish to impose all of our fleeting, subjective feelings onto those around us. This is why 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  Of course, our friends and family are safe places to vent about our emotions, to be honest about our irrational feelings, but we will be so much more fun to be around if we deal wisely with our irritation, quick judgements, and impulses.  After all, it might just be bad pizza.

You want to do WHAT?

   Our culture has this strange divide between the things you like to do and the things you do all day to make money.  When you're my age, the pervasive question "What are you going to be when you grow up?" is loaded with "How are you going to keep yourself off the street?"  Stability has one accepted form these days and its green with an old guy stamped in the middle. 

  Of course, this is not the image we give little kids to describe the career world, no we tell them they can be anything!  Do you want to be a fire-fighter, little Johnny?  Or how about a first-baseman for the Yankees?  How sweet!  The kids like me who were told in grade-school that they could grow up to be astronauts or the president are now careening off the edge of indecision.  We want to live up to our dreams, but safe, wallet-friendly job choices largely come in prosaic categories.  The chute from education to vocation feels cramped by questions of salary scale and benefits.

  And then, in a moment of fate, my husband dumped over all his medical aspirations and announced, "I want to be a farmer!"  Me of course, drinking the kool-aid of stability-worship, immediately threw a fit.  As far as I was concerned, Justin could be anything he wanted...as long as our income wouldn't be trampled by sleet rain or wiped out by mad cow disease or anything.  At first I was deaf to Justin's romantic descriptions of pastoral simplicity, tasting the tangible profits of hard, physical work, and providing fresh, raw food for a CSA of lively idealists.  Then I took a good hard look at the way I perceived resources and where they come from.
 

We allow our dreams to become stifled by questions of money because we secretly believe that God is holding out on us.  We don't trust his provision because we feel like God will probably give us something we deserve, and we know we don't deserve much.  But God is not like that at all!  In Matthew 7:7-11 Jesus compares a parent's care for his child with God's gracious provision for us.  Even a hardened criminal can be compassionate towards his or her family, so how much greater is God's provision for even our smallest needs. He has shown himself to be God-for-us on the cross.  We have no reason to suspect that he will stingily withhold from us when he has already given all of himself.

So I'm open to participating in Justin's pursuit of sustainable agriculture.  In fact I'm excited!  Moving forward with a healthy amount of risk is making life thrilling and adventurous.  It is refreshing to be able to let go and begin something new.

Smells Like Dirt

 On the west side of Washington, where I grew up, there is a special thing that happens in the air around this time of year.  The ground starts to wake up and the very faintest sign that spring is coming fills your nose when you walk outside.  Its the smell of dirt, earthy moisture mingled with rain.

  On Friday, my choir director remarked that right now you can kind of smell dirt in the air around Spokane, probably because of the warmer rain we've had for the past week or so.  I caught a whiff of this scent yesterday, and it made me think about seasons and change.  Ecclesiastes says that life is broken up into seasons, a time to study, a time to play, a time to work, a time to rest.  When I first read  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 I thought that the "seasons" were specific moments of rest, work, birth, and death, but its also clear that there are longer seasons characterized by these postures. The past few months have been a season of struggle, but I'm ok with that.  It's pushed me in ways that I wouldn't have pushed myself and shown me my deep need for otherworldly grace.  There is a time to struggle, a time to get over yourself.

  And here's where it comes back to dirt: seasons change.  My season of struggle isn't over quite yet, but I'm starting to sense that hopeful aroma of dirt in the air.  I'm not saying the next season will be easy or hassle-free, but the redemptive freshness of a new stage is terribly exciting.  Somewhere down in the ground hope is springing up, pushing its way to the surface.  Some day soon it's going to come up for air.

That awkward moment...

Love Dreams

Justin and I have always felt natural together.  Getting married was almost a seamless transition, but there are aspects that I'm still not used to.  One of them is the way Justin laughs in his sleep.

Now if you weren't at my wedding, Ben Ross gave a killer best-man speech in which he included several hints about Justin that only a roommate of three years could tell you.  Some of them I already knew; Justin gets extremely annoyed when anybody makes slurping noises, and he is fond of drying his laundry without a dryer.  But it was news to me when Ben shared that soon after we started dating, Justin began laughing in his sleep on a regular basis.

It didn't take long for me to hear Justin's happy dreaming for myself.  He laughs in a conversational way, as if someone has just made a funny comment or joke.  Justin's laugh has such freedom and easiness, I sometimes find myself laughing with him as I lie awake listening.
I hope he does this for the rest of his life.

Does Jesus like lists?

I love making lists.  It's a trait that I get from my Granddad Upton: a kind of satisfaction gained from grouping ideas or tasks that in some way brings them underneath my rule.  I own you, little chores.  I have almost already defeated you by writing you down.  Sometimes I write things down that I have already done, just so that I can cross them off.

Wake up      

There are other days, however, when I feel like making a list of tasks would subject myself to their domination.  I might make a list, and then say, HEY!  You can't tell me what to do!  I'm going to stare at my computer for an hour, and you can't do anything about that.  ...It is true that making lists can create a sense of failure when they aren't completed.  If I ask for accountability in completing my list, from Justin or somebody, there can even be a sort of fear that happens in my heart when I have to tell Justin that I didn't do everything on the list.  Lists are a set of expectations, but are they a healthy form of accountability or do they lead to a performance-based salvation?

So where is the balance?  Help me out here, how do I keep myself accountable but stay out of a performance-mindset?

Inspiration from Mary Oliver

Merry Merry

Peace

Joy

Hope

Love

Merry Christmas!

Mayan Calendar

   Lots of seniors at Whitworth know what they are doing after they graduate.

   I am not one of them.

   Lately I've been in a bit of a panic because up until May 2012, my life has been charted out with nice, measured steps: first grade, second grade.... graduate from high school, go to college.  2012 marks the end of a calendar that I have been living on my entire life!  I'm not sure what happens when it ends!  Apocalypse!!!!

    No matter how I explain it to him, I can't get God to understand how graduation leaves me falling off the edge of cliff.  In fact, I think I heard him laughing this morning as I was telling him that 2012 really is the end of the world for me.

    I believe God wants me to know that exiting my air-tight, step by step plan is actually for my own good.  While I feel safe in my own strategies and ideas, God is calling me to a richer existence that requires risk, trust, and obedience.  God has already proven to me that he doesn't give his children crappy gifts.  A god who would come to earth in vulnerability and sacrificial love in order to give himself to humanity isn't the kind of God who will waste my life.  I still have no idea what will happen after my Mayan Calendar ends, but God does, and because I know his heart for me, I can live with that.