Feelings: real or not real?

Feelings happen.  They can hit us in an instant or they can slowly escalate, a reaction broadcasting emotions to the forefront of our being.  We are shocked, hurt, elated, amused and often a mix of several things at once.  Yet how often are feelings real?  Do our feelings always reflect what we think about the world, or the kinds of people we want to be?  Could they simply be an indication of not enough sleep?  Something we ate?

A study done earlier this year by Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital concludes that emotions are "ontologically subjective."  This means that while they are tangible forces, they aren't real in the sense that they won't always generate the same effect every time a specific cause is applied.  According to this research, even the best emotion-detecting equipment can't distinguish between fear, anger, and surprise.  These feelings are highly contingent on hormonal balance and specific circumstances and behavioral patterns of an individual.  So, no.  Feelings are not real.  They are subjective and only relevant within the contexts of our own being.

Here is my point:  we should be honest with others about how we feel, but when our feelings are not helpful we need to recognize that they are not actually real.  Over time, feelings can form into ideas, grudges, love, etc. and those things are very real and influential, but our instant emotional reactions must be thought through before we blurt them out and damage our relationships.  So am I being honest when I irritably tell my husband that I'm annoyed with the way he folds the laundry?  I would say no!  I am honestly in love with him, and honestly, I want to be the kind of wife that doesn't heap judgements on my husband!  That is the truth!  How could I believe that my petty irritation is more real that my deep love for him?  How could it be more important to express our irrational feelings towards someone than the love and care we have for them?

While the idea of being 100% honest about every thought that goes through our head might be popular, it is actually quite selfish to impose all of our fleeting, subjective feelings onto those around us. This is why 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  Of course, our friends and family are safe places to vent about our emotions, to be honest about our irrational feelings, but we will be so much more fun to be around if we deal wisely with our irritation, quick judgements, and impulses.  After all, it might just be bad pizza.